Inside my head

I have been given a lot of labels in my life, one of them was ‘Creative.’ It wasn’t meant kindly when people said it. They were really saying I was disorganised, late to meetings easily distracted and often sidetracked by helping strays. I was often ‘too much’ for most of the environments I found myself in. 

Over my life time, I have had to hold down one job or another and, of course, fit in to general society. This meant squeezing into a hole that was meant for square, round or triangle shapes. I don’t fit in the ‘normal’ shaped hole because I am a blend of all three. Not a square, a circle or a triangle. I’m a star shape. Some of my family are in the neurodiverse category – while we’re throwing labels around – so it’s not surprising that I don’t fit in the ‘normal’ category.

Star shapes tend to be too much for most people. We shine too brightly and we have sharp bits that poke out and stick into people. We are too loud and too confident and some people would say we show off. We lack discipline, we need more self control, too easily distracted. 

I made myself smaller, quieter, more like everyone else. It took me a long time to realise it was ok to be me. Years and years.

Yes I am easily distracted. I have a vivid imagination and often more ideas than I need in one day. When most people are distracted they may go down a rabbit hole or two. When I am distracted, I go down a rabbit hole and carry on into the rabbit warren where I meet the neighbouring rabbits and all their families and relations. I get invited to stay for tea and we tell stories and I learn all about the history of how the rabbits came to be there in the first place and what great great Aunt Ethel bunny did after she ran away from home. We swap recipes and I end up helping them with their latest quilting project and colouring in with their rabbit children. Then we talk late into the night sipping elderberry fizz talking about the psychology of being a bunny as opposed to a rabbit and…

Meanwhile, this blog is not getting written…

Personally I find labels unhelpful. Creative, Artistic, Neurodiverse call it what you will. Labels don’t work for me. 

All I know is, I find some things difficult and some things easy. Mathematics is difficult for me. Numbers in general confuse and bamboozle me. Words are much easier for me. I find languages endlessly fascinating. I spoke Welsh when I was little then French in high school. I can say a few words in a number of different languages. I love words. The way a word sounds can pull me in. I enjoy the history of words, how they came about and what influenced them. I‘m a huge fan of different accents. The British accents in particular amuse me. I try to guess where people are from by the way they speak, like I’m Professor Higgins in ‘My fair Lady.’ I can pick someone from Adelaide or Canada after a few words. It’s a game I am always playing. I wonder about place names and family names. I’m endlessly interested in how they came about. Being passionate about words comes in handy when you love writing.

Did I mention I am easily distracted?

What on earth has all this got to do with rabbits? Little or nothing actually. I thought I’d give you a glimpse of the inside of my head to highlight how driving a BuJo instead of a diary has given my life more focus and enabled me to become more fruitful. I don’t like saying productive – it’s too business-ish and that will only lead to numbers. *shudder*

My BuJo corrals my thoughts and activities. I started keeping one in 2021 at the start of a new job. I knew I’d have to keep track, or things would fall through the cracks. I’d read an article (down a rabbit hole) about a guy with ADHD, Ryder Caroll, who had developed an analogue system to help organize his life, which appealed to me. I’m also a stationary addict with a love of journals and fountain pens. I took some of the information, easily distracted remember, and ran with it sharing the snippets I knew with everyone. 

Now nearing the end of my third year of bullet journalling, I discovered I’ve been missing the point.  It’s not just about having an index at the front – although that was rocket science – I discovered Ryder Caroll has written a book about his idea. ‘The Bullet Journal Method.’ I bought the ebook and read it immediately and I now have a much clearer, deeper understanding.

Ryder Caroll‘s BuJo practice is not just about being more organized, it’s about being more intentional. To make decisions, about how you will use your time and energy, based on your values and in line with your intentions. It is far more thoughtful or mindful than a planner.

The first thing is to take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns. Make a mental inventory. Write down: 1. What I need to do. 2. What I should do. and 3. What I want to do. Then ask questions of each. Is it vital? Does it matter? Will there be consequences for me or someone I love if I don’t do it? Based on your answers you will eliminate time wasting distractions and keep what matters. There’s a lot more to it and I encourage you to check it out if you want to be more mindful and less ‘busy.’ This inventory and the questions are at the heart of the BuJo method. Curiosity is a core value of the BuJo method.

I am still getting used to the new depth the system is bringing to my life. The pace is slower yet I achieve more and I feel more present than ever before. 

Maybe you’ve met some of my rabbit friends and would like to spend less time down rabbit holes that lead nowhere and more time on things that matter to you. Perhaps you’d like to be more intentional about how you use your time and energy.

I highly recommend you read Ryder’s book and visit the website The Bullet Journal Method and see what you think. Whether you are full-time, part-time or retired from the ‘rat race’ like me, I know your life will be richer for it.

Before I dive down another rabbit hole of research, for my latest writing project, I thought I would leave you with some words from Mary Oliver:

‘Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’

Mary Oliver ‘ The Summer Day’