The final day of the year provokes some people to reflect and set goals, yet something in me rebels. I don’t want to be driven and goal focussed, working hard to achieve success and then feeling like a failure when I let myself down. Yet here I am obediently reflecting. I find myself in a quandry of rebellion and obedience. I would prefer to stay in the moment, to meet each day fresh and see what it presents, but I know that without focus and direction I will drift aimlessly along unti the year has dissolved into oblivion.
This year, the key creative thing for me has been finishing. I am excellent at shiny new beginnings, even middles are not too bad, if a little pedestrian, but endings – they’re so final. 2019 is ending whether I like it or not and I would like to finish well.
Today my photo app kindly offered to show me a clip of my year in photos, which I watched. I usually ignore those silly pop ups. It was full of photos from our overseas trip. A sharp reminder that only a short time ago we were on our first overseas trip together. You’d think by now I would have written blog after blog about it all. I haven’t.
I started out writing my blog quite well, using it to publish my stories and to glean what little feedback came my way. My original intention was to be brave and put myself out there. It was exhilarating and terrifying and non event all at the same time. But then I put my blog writing on hold while we were away. This had nothing to do with it not being new and shiny any more. Of course not!
While we were away I managed to write a sentence or two each day, in my diary, jokingly titled ‘Ship’s log’ which amused me. (We did go on a ship for some of the holiday.) In my diary I mentioned where we were and what the temperature was and not much else. I was far too busy having a holiday.
There were aspects of the trip that were less than enjoyable and much that was wonderful and a lot that was just hilarious. I still haven’t made time to write it all down. What will happen if I write about our trip? Will it take away the magic that was the trip itself? Perhaps some stories need to distil for a while. Surely it’s not the ending thing?
Rather than write about our holiday and keep my blog up to date, and knowing my reluctance to finish anything, I set myself three writing tasks and was determined to complete them. You see earlier in the year I’d started one writing course, then I bought another, to do later. Then in December, just for fun I took on a four week writing course. I managed to complete the four week course, but the story is still waiting to be finished, along with all my other stories. That’s how I know I have a problem with endings.
So, with two birthday deadlines and Christmas (the recipe book was a gift) I set out to write two books for our granddaughters and to rewrite a recipe book for one of my UK cousins. I had them professionally printed. So I wrote, edited and completed three books. It felt good to finish the tasks. I even told my online writing friends about them.
Meanwhile, I have decided I’m on holidays from writing my morning pages and from completing the writing courses and generally working on my ‘body of work.’ No pressure, just reading and resting. Not avoiding or procrastinating at all!
Then today arrives with its end of year-ness and the nagging sensation in the back of my mind that if I don’t write on my blog today I may never write it again. Superstitious nonsense.
For this blog, my original plan was to write regularly and often, to be brave about putting my writing out in the public arena. I have done that. I may need to cut my self some slack! I did after all write two children’s books and a family recipe book, which included family stories, photos and a bunch of editing. I may not have written my blog since we went away, but I have been ‘doing the verk.’
Finishing the year with a post will bode well for the New Year, just for anyone who is superstisious! I plan to set some more writing goals and I aim to complete them. If I can write three books and complete a four week course anything is possible. After all I have plenty to write about our holiday. We had some crazy adventures that will be told again and again until they finally end up as family legends.
My husband literally just came home from the post office. There was a letter from the Italian Car Rental. It included an Italian driving fine! He was muttering, ‘Those bastards!’ I just burst out laughing remembering why we got the fine, it is such a funny story.
We had driven to Florence and this is a photo from that expensive day.
I distinctly remember him saying, ‘I don’t care if we get a fine, I’m parking here.’ Famous last words. That wasn’t what the fine was for, by the way, but you will have to wait to hear the rest of the story. Funnily enough it doesn’t end here.
I’m really looking forward to writing about it next year. Happy New Year and blessings to you all.